GTA V Gameplay Trailer Reaction: “Yawn”

“May Contain Content Inappropriate For Children.” Ironically, the official gameplay video for GTA V doesn’t show anything more inappropriate than what a lot of children saw about 20 years ago when Mortal Kombat hit the scene. If anyone is going to find this material controversial, it will be the politicians and parents seeking a scapegoat for any number of recent violent shootings in the United States.

The video starts playing that music – you know, the 1980s stuff you’ve heard a billion times by now. But the audio that accompanies the music is even more important to the GTA V marketing team: a pleasant female voice. The marketing team must have figured that her voice alone could make a lot of male gamers feel cool just by watching the trailer (and yes, there are female gamers, but we all know males dominate the gamer demographic – not to mention, perhaps a lesbian gamer or two might like the voice). And man, whoever wrote that script for the woman in the trailer knows how to put someone in a trance: “A sprawling, satirical reimagining of modern Southern California, covering mountains and oceans, expensive stores and strip malls, urban decay and untouched wilderness, beaches and backwoods, the sublime and the ridiculous, greed and hypocrisy.”

The lovely woman then tells you about the game’s three “would-be heroes,” a bullshit phrase if there ever was one. The first would-be hero is described as a “once-successful bank robber and now less-successful family man.” The second is described as a “hungry street hustler convinced he is surrounded by morons,” which is Rockstar Games’ not-so-secret code language for “black man.” To break up this monotonous nonsense, the female voice-over only has this to say about the third would-be hero: “The less said about him, the better.” The trailer tastefully shows a video of this would-be hero attempting to flush a human foot down a toilet, a scene that is neither funny nor satirical and certainly not believable or shocking.

The next part of the trailer gets to the actual gameplay, which is nice for something that calls itself an official gameplay trailer. The woman explains that you can switch between characters during missions for “new levels of diversity and intensity.” Of course, no one bothers to say that even though you might be able to switch to another vantage point to become a sniper, you’re still just a sniper in the end, with the routine duty of making well-timed kills. The vantage point might change, but is the meat and potatoes of the gameplay that different? The woman never answers this question.

Then that word flows from the woman’s mouth: “voyeurism.” You can see what other characters are up to when you are between missions. But why would I want to watch the lives of really dumb made-up people in a $60 game as opposed to the morons I could catch on reality television for free?

The female voice-over later informs us that the world of GTA V has a “vast array of things to see and do.” The problem is that I’ve already seen the things in the trailer in many other games (mountains, bridges, oceans, and dirt roads aren’t exactly new), and I’m willing to bet that the tennis, hunting, and plane segments in GTA V are not going to revolutionize their respective video game subgenres.

The worst part of the trailer is definitely the last minute or so, which shows off seen-it-before heist sequences and “sensible investments like tattoos and fast cars.” Seriously, I’m supposed to think it’s cool that I can get a tattoo in a video game? That I can drive a fast car in a video game?

I’ll tell you what: wake me up when Contra 5 is announced. Because with that, you don’t even have to get a woman to convince me that it’s going to be an awesome game. It just will be.

29 Comments

  1. Swag Master

    I can’t help but agree with Jed. GTA V doesn’t really seem like anything special.

  2. Is this guy even a gamer ??? we can always say its stupid to win ANYTHING in a game…. tattoos,, or drive a fast car…. but….. I dont buy a game expecting to recieve a paycheck everytime I reach a new level… so yes I GET EXCITED OVER NEW CARS, TATTOOS AND EVEN A FEMALE VOICE….
    Now I guess Jed Pressgrove is over with racing titles…. or being a tattoo artist in real life haha

  3. GTA V will be the best open world game of this console generation!

    Skyrim, RDR , LA Noire, and GTA are unbeatable in their genres.

    You want new gameplay, and experiences, you have loads of indie games just for you.

    Guys like me just want to exist in a beatiful, living, world, where I can dive, fly, and ocasionally shoot someone.

    • Tyler Parsley

      I get you enthusiasm, but it bugs me when people talk about how something WILL be this and that when it hasn’t been released yet. There’s plenty of games that have looked amazing in trailers, but have severely let me down. I don’t think that will be the case here, but that’s not the point. And I agree the games you mentioned are on top of this genre, but you seem to be forgetting Ubisoft. Alot of the games they’ve been making these days are open world, and I’ve had more fun with Assassin’s Creed and FarCry series than I have with GTA in recent years. That’s only a matter of opinion though and I know sales really do the talking, but with so many games these days going to open world I think it’s going to get alot more interesting. Rockstar is a quality developer but they better watch out.

  4. this article reads like it was written by a 13 year old with some kind of syndrome.

  5. Let me guess. You hated The Last of Us & Bioshock Infinite as well & thought that they were also generic?

    *Sigh*

    • a strong case can, and has, been made that infinite is mediocre:

    • Jed Pressgrove

      I haven’t played either game, but I’m really looking forward to Bioshock Infinite, which clearly has a unique graphical style, unlike what was shown in the GTA V trailer.

  6. First of all I must say this comment its just for amusement. At the beginning of the article you notice that the objective is not to stablish a point of view but just “write shit on my website”. The ignorance of this poor guy criticizing the warning that obviously is because of legal issues. Then you realize that the opinion article its just about how the girl narrating the features . From the music to the ridicously comment about the character switching …”you’re still just a sniper in the end”.( Of course dude what do you expect?? your point doesn’t make any sense) the article is just some jibber jabber, someone who clearly is an asshole. He talks about the way he was not shocked about the scene of trevor trying to flush a foot on the toilet….well again, thats not the point of the trailer or at least is the least shocking overall. About “why would you want to watch the lives of really dumb made-up people in a $60 game ” lets just clear up that is not only watch te lives of the protagonists but to step into his shoes. But it was way before this moment I realized that the dbag that wrote the article was a retard. Anyways, I skimmed it and moved on just to notice that the guy of the silly article was not reviewing or analyzing, he was just angry with life. Probably because he’s terrible at doing whatever he does or maybe he wanted some attention.

    • Don’t be horrible. Calling people retards . Actually, you know what, GTA3 had a very special balance of humour, fun, atmosphere, music, side missions, secrets and great game play. The balance was perfect. I think Vice city was amazing too. San Andreas was great but I think some of the magic was lost . It was bigger , much better in many ways but I suppose it’s like if you turn all the settings up on a graphic equaliser all the frequencies are louder but It’s not better. GTA 4 hmmmm. I was in the queue at midnight . Wow actual internet café’s in the game . And that gay cruisy area near the fun fair …nice. But it had changed . And that bloody needy cousin always phoning… The main guy was a rather masculine sexy eastern European though …not as sexy as Claude though. So anyway I thought I’d duck out of the main missions and do a bit of ambulance and some of those skulls you walk into for trippy mini games ….waaaahhhhh. not there :( . So all the usual hype has started for 5 and I’m thinking hmmmm we’ll see. And I saw Jeds post and thought ‘oh hello’ . So people do have other opinions other than what 98% of people think. You won’t actually die of being disagreed with. The game will still come out . Me and Jed aren’t going to jump up and down outside your window in our underpants when you try and play it trying to put you off. Although , on reflection.

    • Jim sometimes you have to be, specially with that kind of people. It doesn’t botter me that people have different opinions like yours but that “trailer analysis ” was a joke. If you are going to disagree with something and moan about it you may have to give some really good arguments,( because you may not like that type of game but the quality and the kind of things they are doing to sandbox games are truly amazing)

  7. GTA IV was met with a wall of praise and perfect review scores and I did enjoy it for a while. Until I realised a lot of the fun side missions had gone and the mobile phone calls began to grate. So I was keeping an eye open for alternative views on GTA V. It looks promising, but i’m not sure about switching characters etc. I’ll look out for Contra 5. Jed is a sexy name and I do actually love you

  8. Tyler Parsley

    Sorry dude, but I don’t know what your expectations of a GTA game is. In my opinion it seems like a very logical evolution of the series. It looks like a huge, gorgeous world that will no doubt be more of the same, but it does seem like they’re at least trying to deviate from what they’ve done in the past. The idea of three main characters is interesting and the mechanic that the AI kicks in on the two that you aren’t playing is pretty cool to me. The gunplay looks alot like Max Payne 3 to me which was super, super fun. The driving mechanics looks like more of the same to me, but probably more polished. This trailer has peaked my interest in a game series that I haven’t had any interest in since GTA 3 when I thought that gettin money and fucking bitches was the only important thing in life. If you don’t like getting tattoos and driving fast cars in a video game, why are you wasting time watching a trailer for GTA in the first place? It’s in the title for crying out loud : Grand Theft Auto. Just because the trailer didn’t show titties and someone getting their head blown off, doesn’t mean that it didn’t contain content inappropriate for children, then again I don’t make a point to talk like a dirty sailor or play extremely violent games that condone crime in front of kids.

    • Jed Pressgrove

      Hey Tyler, the reason I watched the trailer was because of the overwhelming positive responses to the trailer. I’m also a fan of gameplay trailers in general; the video game trailers that try to be like movie trailers usually annoy me and tell me little about the game. The GTA V trailer doesn’t try to be like a movie trailer, but it also didn’t strike me as a pure gameplay trailer, either. It felt more like a typical marketing ploy. I’d rather a gameplay trailer let the game itself do the talking, not a woman hired to read a ridiculous and somewhat condescending script.

    • Tyler Parsley

      Yes, I agree. Like the live action trailer for the most recent God of War : Ascension. Yeah it was kind of cool to see a “real life” Kratos, but it told absolutely nothing about the game. I didn’t see the point at all. I do see your point on the trailer and for me I felt that it was a good example of what to expect from the game. The game looks rich and detail and interesting, what few seconds of gunplay they showed looks like it resembles that if Max Payne 3, and the driving mechanics look like the best the series has yet to offer. It seems that they’ve taken what was best from previous GTA games, Ted Dead Redemption, and Max Payne 3 and combined them. Which has me excited. I don’t particularly care for the narration but I didn’t really pay much attention to it honestly. Guess I was wowed by the graphics and everything else. It sucks the trailer didn’t do it for you man. Different strokes.

    • Tyler Parsley

      Oh my, I’m sorry about all the typos on that last message. Last time I make a response of any real length from my smart phone.

  9. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but grand theft auto DOES have explicit content inappropriate for children, they don’t have to show it in the trailer because EVERYONE already knows that you can screw prostitutes and go to strip clubs and kill people. It’d would be stupid to have a trailer showing that, it’s called MARKETING genius and by the looks of it you don’t know shit about it OR writing a good article, you couldn’t have picked a worse date to make this public, everyone is so hyped up about this game and you come with this bomb of shit and crap on peoples hopes, you killed your website’s reputation idiot, and wether you like the game or not PEOPLE WILL BUY IT!!!! So deal with it!!

    • No, but that sounds like my kind of game! If it’s amazing, I’ll forgive you for attacking the sacred cow.

    • I’m sure you meant to give the game a 10, but just forgot the 0.

  10. Just a note about that flushing limb – I thought it was pretty obvious that was an inflatable doll…I could be wrong.

Leave a Comment

Connect with:

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>